I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
