Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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