Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
