I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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