Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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