dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
