Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
