There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
