you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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