I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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