if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got inside last night via doggy door
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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