I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
