if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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