I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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