Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
