Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize