The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize