i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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