That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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