Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
