dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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