After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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