Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
