My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
