Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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