well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I need to stop coming to work sober
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
