i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
