You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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