chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
