my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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