I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize