I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize