everyone is single if you try hard enough
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
