Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
