I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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