Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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