The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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