Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
...so i touched it.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
