You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
