nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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