She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
