We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
