Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My pussy is not your playground.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
