as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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