Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
3 2 1 whiskey
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
