Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize