my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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