I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
