You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
