I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize