Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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