And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
