finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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