Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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