My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
