i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
NoShamevember. You game?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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