I think I died a long time ago.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
