Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
