Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
