Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
