"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
