Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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