Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
