It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
