bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
