Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
