I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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