Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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