Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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