So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
