I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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