Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
